I was called to perform a Feng Shui audit to prevent theft, for the most expensive villa ever built in South Africa—a sprawling masterpiece with every imaginable luxury, including parking for 40 sports cars and gold taps so opulent they adorned the outdoors. Of course, those taps seemed to vanish into thin air every morning, leaving the owner with a very shiny, but highly impractical, plumbing situation.
To say this villa had security issues would be an understatement. Six security companies had already been fired. No matter what they tried, the thieves were always one step ahead, slipping in and out like ghosts. The complex itself bordered the townships, and the sheer size of the property was enough to give even the best security guards nightmares.
On the day of my visit, as fate—or perhaps Feng Shui—would have it, an inspector came to test the wall encircling the estate. With an air of authority, he leaned against it to check its strength. And then? Well, let’s just say he checked it too thoroughly. The wall collapsed spectacularly, taking another 200 meters of the fortress-like boundary with it. It was the kind of moment where you’d want to laugh, cry, and maybe reconsider your life choices all at once.
Enter the head of the seventh security company, desperate to avoid becoming the next casualty of this cursed contract. He called me, explaining the dire situation. “Master Christos,” he pleaded, “we’ve just taken over security here, but if we lose this job, we’re finished. The thieves are everywhere!”
After carefully surveying the property and consulting the heavens, I shared my insights. “This is how you’ll win,” I said with a knowing smile. I pinpointed the exact direction the thieves would come from, the year, month, day, and even the time of their arrival.
“Lay in wait,” I advised. “Place your guards and trained dogs precisely here. When the time comes, you’ll catch them red-handed. And by the way, keep this up for the entire year—I’ll tell you where to focus each month.”
Using this celestial roadmap, the security team turned the tables. No thief could outsmart them, and every would-be intruder was apprehended. Word must have spread in the underworld because break-ins became a thing of the past.
As I explained to the astonished head of security, “The heavens are a map of time. I can press fast forward to glimpse the future, pause to study the present, or rewind to understand the past. As above, so below—Feng Shui isn’t just about houses; it’s about harmonising with the universe itself.”
Today, that security company still holds the contract for the villa. The thieves? They’ve all but given up, knowing they’ll never outwit the cosmic blueprint I provided.
It’s a tale that proves one thing: with a little celestial guidance, even the most luxurious—and chaotic—of properties can find balance. And maybe, just maybe, keep its gold taps firmly in place.